“Why Can’t You Just Leave the Tap On?” - A Dialogue with a House Cat

I tried to answer my friend Minou’s questions about taps.

There I was, alone in my house. Well, almost alone. My roomate’s cat Minou was there too. Minou (which I’ve learned is french for pussy, but like in the cute cat way) - is a male cat. And he’s a kind boy. Very well mannered. He rarely meows, but since he used to be an outdoor cat, he occasionally forgets and will meow at the doors for people to let him out. He’s usually receptive to reminders that he doesn’t get to go outside as much anymore. For his own safety. There’s a busy road outside.

Minou can communicate with his looks in a way I’ve never experienced with a cat. And I like that he’s quiet, and mostly keeps to himself. He likes occasional cuddles when he’s lonely (or when you’re lonely) and has a big brown mane which is fun to scratch in those times.

He pretends to be tough and aloof but he’ll often come up to me and say things like, “Hey, I know you’re busy watching Jeopardy but I’m going to lie here on your lap. You can pet me if the mood strikes you. I clearly have no preference.”

He tries to be nonchalant about how much he likes it though. He’s a smart cat who knows you can’t just put all your feelings out there on the line - they may not be returned. 

I will always pet him when he asks though. 

When I’m eating he’ll come up to me and say, “hey what are you eating? Is that pizza? I’ve tried pizza before. It’s a food I like. That looks like pizza a lot. Can I taste it to make sure? I’ll just stay about a foot away from you on the couch and provide moral support for you while you eat. But hey if some food drops I’ll be sure to get it for you.” 

So I’ll accidentally drop some food.

Minou is admittedly my most favourite cat of all time. I never had cats growing up, but Minou has single-handedly taught me that cats aren’t as bad as my dog-toting rhetoric had me believe. He belongs to my roommate, Lindsay, but over the past few months, we’ve become closely acquainted and have a mutual understanding and love for eachother. Naturally that would extend to Minou. 

Well except for one thing…

Minou has this habit where he likes to go into the bathroom, sit in the bathtub, look at the faucet and say, “Hey I noticed this tap is not flowing constantly with fresh water, even though I know it has the ability to. Can you please turn it on?”

And I will turn it on. 

But always there inevitably comes a moment where I need to go on with my day. So, I will turn off the faucet. And it’s always followed by an awkward moment where Minou turns his inquisitive head over his adorable shoulder and asks me, “Braeden, why can’t you just leave the tap on? That way I wouldn’t have to keep bugging you every time you pee.” 

And in that moment I decided to tell him. But I didn’t expect what would happen next. I said, “that’s sweet of you to think of me. But leaving the tap on is wasteful Minou, there’s a limited amount of water in the world and we shouldn’t hoard it.” 

But then he asked, “Braeden, I used to be an outdoor cat, I’ve seen streams of water, constantly flowing. Isn’t this the same thing?”

My response of course was, “No Minou, it’s not. Humans have worked hard over thousands of years to bring the water inside through pipes, and pumps, and plumbing, and sewers. But by doing so, we’ve also put a high demand on the water outside. The water inside is taken from the water outside, and while the water outside has natural ways of replenishing - like rain, and ice and that - human water-consumption methods mean we can take too much, leaving the possibility we may take more than nature can naturally replenish. So if we keep taking more, the water will run out faster, and eventually there will be no water left. And also, we need to save money - which is another thing entirely...” 

It’s at this point when I’m explaining to Minou, I have that imposter feeling. Do I really know what I’m talking about? Was what I said even true? I’ve never researched this. Still haven’t. I’ve kinda just turned the tap on and off without much thought. I can trace my knowledge of tap facts to an episode of Sesame Street I saw long ago. But do I really know where the water is coming from, does it actually not get replenished? I still know for sure. 

Then Minou asked a smart follow up question, “doesn’t it flow down the drain, and back to the lakes and oceans where it can evaporate into rain? Doesn’t water replenish itself?”

I was surprised with Minou’s understanding of plumbing and the Water Cycle. He knew the ocean condensed to clouds, and came down to earth as water again. But I wasn’t sure about water flowing back to the ocean. 

“Minou I think it all goes to the sewer, where it’s mixed with our excrement, and little spaghetti pieces, and coffee grounds, and toilet paper and all the other literal and figurative shit we flush down the toilet and kitchen sink. It gets dirty and messy and we end up putting it back in the ocean not the way we found it. Which is bad, I think.”

“Well it sounds to me, Braeden, and correct me if I’m wrong, that the problem isn’t the tap constantly running that’s creating waste, it’s all the shit humans do to the water that makes it unusable.”

I felt called out. I still didn’t know how it all worked, but this cat’s predatory skills were showing. I thought he was too mild-mannered to be an outdoor cat, but his logical teeth were barred. 

“Well we have to pay for water too. Money Minou. You ever heard of that?” Thank God I remembered the economy.

“Oh, how much does it cost?” Minou asks.

“In this house? It’s like $30/month”

“Oh wow, so if you left the water running the whole time, how much would it be?”

I know, a dripping tap fills up about a bathtub per month, we have multiple showers and baths a week, so geez, I dunno, is like $5-$7?”

I think this guess was high.

”Also isn’t most of the water bill the delivery fee?” Minou asks as a follow up. I have no idea how he knew that.

“Oh well” Minou continues. “With the amount of Timmies wrappers and Pizza boxes in our garbage, I’m guessing you probably don’t have an extra $7 for little old me, I get that.” 

He wasn’t being sarcastic. He genuinely understood money enough to know that it was a finite resource and perhaps needed to be spread around differently for reasons he didn’t understand.

“It’s more complicated than that Minou - I swear. It’s about principles of conservation. Both economic and environmental!”

“I get it. You can take all the showers you like, but leaving a dripping tap for me is a step too far.”

“It’s Capitalism Minou, it’s just got us cornered - I just can’t spend money on wasteful things. And don’t be a dick! There’s also a principle behind wasting that much water. We shouldn’t use more than we need, when some people over the world don’t have water life that.”

“Water and by extension, happiness, for your favourite cat is wasteful? Who chooses how it’s distributed? Does the pithy amount of extra water you use really affect things on a global scale? Why do people get to charged money for water anyway? Seems unfair to charge money for something every creature needs to live. All I want is the freedom to drink fresh water when I choose. Is that really so bad?”

“Oh Minou… I want you to have water too. The problem is more than just water bills and water cycles I’m just realizing. There’s companies out there who are sucking water from our supply and selling it back to us in bottles. They’re taking a lot. And they’re taking too much and our supply is dwindling, so costs are going up, but not because cats want water - but these companies have all the power and they convince us consumers to turn off our taps and put the onus on us with media campaigns and PSAs. And I feel guilty for leaving the tap on for you - meanwhile Nestle is sucking out the water as hundreds the rates and selling us water that should be water we’re giving to our cats. And Minou I”m sorry - here.” 

I turned the tap back on.

“Well Braeden, I’m sorry the government and companies and other patriarchs behind the capitalist machine have made you feel like you can’t leave the water on for me.” He paused and slurped a few more gulps. “I understand that as the one with less power in this home, I’m kind of like you in society at large, I should just understand that it is I who is wrong and can’t have simple needs that would make my quality of living better. A marginal sacrifice from you is definitely out the question. I understand that this water thing is far more complicated that I can understand, and that I should just listen to you and comply with the rules you set out. I shouldn’t even question them - because I’m just learning how self-contradictory and paradoxical all the ‘rules’ of our society can be. It’s a rabbit hole and it’s easier to just do what you’re told. Maybe I should just shut my big cat mouth and be grateful that I’m afforded whatever scraps I can get.”

“Minou… fuck this. Drink your fill.”And that’s when I turned on the tap and I left it on.

Minou wrote me a note of appreciation which he pinned on the fridge: 

“Thank you Braeden for leaving the tap on, but it’s probably best you turn the tap off soon. If I were to leave the water on - I’d be just as bad as Nestle I suppose. It’s one thing to have values it’s another to practice them. I appreciate that you can instill those values in me too. And maybe if enough people conserve, it becomes the norm. And maybe the companies who are destroying our planet and way of life will face more accountability, and won’t be allowed to continue doing the harmful things they’re doing.” 

Later as I was watching Jeopardy, I saw Minou sitting alone on the piano and I said to him, “Thanks for the note Minou. Are you still going to meow at me everytime I take a poo or will you drink the water that’s in your dish?”

“Oh I’m still gunna get you to turn the tap on and off.”

“Okay, well, I’m glad we learned something today.”

“Me too. Just so you know I feel thirsty.”

“Taps still on Minou.”

Minou then turned, ran up the stairs, and started adorably slurping again.