The Very Real Caterpillar

Not the caterpillar you’re used to hearing about. This one’s very real.

This is a story of a Very Real Caterpillar. 

Now, you may have heard stories of Caterpillars before. But those stories weren’t real.

Those stories go something like this: 

Once there was a Caterpillar. She looked up to her parents and her friends all the time. Everyone around her were gorgeous butterflies. They were beautiful, and elegant and oh so free. The caterpillar sucks. She is just a glorified worm.

She wants to be a Butterfly. It’s the end goal!

At the end of these stories, usually after the Caterpillar gets all wrapped up in a scary and transformative cocoon, she gets what she dreamed. She ends up a Butterfly! And thank goodness. Because who wants to stay a squirmy little ding-dang Caterpillar their whole life? Those things are fucking gross.

But these caterpillar stories are just stories. And they aren’t real.

This is the story of the Very Real Caterpillar.

It starts the same. This little Very Real Caterpillar looked all around them and saw nothing but beautiful butterflies. On his tree, on the house below him, on his social media channels. Very Real Butterflies were flapping in front of him everywhere flaunting their beauty and completeness as if they have no real problems at all. 

The Butterfly life is still perceived as beautiful. It’s still the end goal!

But the very real truth is: transformation comes at a cost. And the Very Real Caterpillar didn’t see that just yet. 

Very Real Butterflies fly into lights and fry to a crisp. Very Real Butterflies become easy pickings for bats, and torn apart for sustenance. Worst of all, humans love to catch Very Real Butterflies in nets and pin them on walls in things called “collections.”

The Very Real Caterpillar saw none of this. All they wished for was that happy butterfly ending to their story they’d heard ever since they were a pupa. 

So when The Very Real Caterpillar’s cocoon day finally came, The Very Real Caterpillar got all bundled up ready to wait a few days. And finally emerge. As they always dreamed: a complete and beautiful Butterfly. 

But when the cocoon day came… something very real happened. The Very Real Caterpillar formed a cocoon and disintegrated into a sticky goo. They no longer had any semblance of who they once were. They washed around for a few days as goo, fearful, unaware of themselves. But it’d be worth it, they’d emerge a butterfly.

But something very real happened to The Very Real Caterpillar. When they emerged from their cocoon, they looked down to see a bare wingless back, and tiny squirmy legs still glued to the ground. They turned to goo only to emerge the same boring caterpillar all over again. They’d been duped! They’d cocooned all wrong. The Butterfly was a Butterlie.

The only new thing The Very Real Caterpillar had was that lingering feeling of when the cocoon first emerged around him and he started to disintegrate. His gut churned and his brain buzzed in very new and unusual ways. It was the “is it really happening?” feeling. It was scary, but exciting. But now looking at his little ground-bound legs, the feeling was gone. Just that memory of being almost complete remained. 

There was nothing new in sight. At least on the outside. But on the inside, there was this new memory of a dream that almost came true. And it was a mostly happy feeling. The feeling was very very real but with nothing new to show for it - it was hard for the feeling to really feel real or important.

But that’s just it. This is The Very Real Caterpillar - and this sort of thing happens all the time. The very real truth is it’s not as certain as Caterpillar > Cocoon > Butterfly. Transformation is a fickle thing. You’ll turn to goo. You’ll feel excited and scared. And you may not actually get what you were expecting. That’s what transformation is.

Sure, you might get be a Butterfly. But if that happens, you also might get eaten by a bat, or pinned on a wall. And if you’re getting torn wing from wing by a bat, you are going to wish you were back in that Cocoon. Or even wish you were back on the tree branch just getting to appreciate the beauty of Butterflies - like the good ol’ caterpillar days.

So the next time The Very Real Caterpillar enters a cocoon he might remember, that in a very real life scenario, it’s the feeling of entering a cocoon that’s very really the best part of the story. Transformation can be scary, it can be satisfying, it can be nothing too. However, transformation will always break you down to basic parts and lead to a new part of the story. And if you being present for the possibility is what actually feels good.

And yes, the very real Caterpillar did have another Cocoon Day. And yes, they did get all riled up. Only this time, they didn’t know whether they’d emerge a Butterfly or a Caterpillar again. What they did know, was when Cocoon Day was over, there would still be the feeling of entering the cocoon. And the unknown of it all was very very real and very very exciting.