All Improvisers Go to Purgatory

Why “Yes, And” don’t land you in Heaven or Hell.

The improv trio Smell Yah Later!, were all wiped out in a not-mimed pyrotechnic gag gone wrong. 

And there they were, at the gates of Heaven. Immediately, St. Peter asked them to, “do one of their skits” to see if they would fit the vibe of a blissful eternity. A stage formed in front of the gates out of clouds and angel dust (the heavenly kind).

The improvisers stepped up the dusty cloud stairs to the stage. They’re supposed to say “Yes, And” afterall. They had no choice and nothing to lose. No different than any other gig really. All just made up on the spot.

The first improviser steps forward, smiling and clapping their hands facing a crowd of freshly dead people, “Hey everyone, We’re Smell Yah Later, thanks for coming out!”

The two other improvisers looked at the first and each put a hand on their leader’s shoulders.

The first improviser spoke again, “Well, not thanks. Sorry you’re here. Hope life was good.”

A little chuckle from some people in the back of the line.

“What you’re about to see is entirely improvised and made up off the top of our own heads, so take it easy on us, huh? To get started, can we get any object like a toaster, or a couch?”

But the only people yelling suggestions were dead folks outside the gate. The ones that didn’t get into heaven right away. 

“Dildos! My kid! Christmas!” 

The people in the line busted out a good buzz of laughter because they yelled out such funny words. Not realizing these were terrible suggestions for this eteral-life-or-eternal-death situation. Usually the improvisers would ask for another suggestion. But it was heaven, St. Peter was giving them the light, telling them to get on with it, and they only had this one shot. Now the improvisers had to somehow turn Dildos, kids, and Christmas into a scene that would get them into heaven. 

The improvisers exploded to the wings of the stage. The first improviser slowly creeped toward center stage alongside a second improviser. The first was wrapping paper around a mimed phallic object, the second had wide eyes and a nervous look. 

The second improviser started the dialogue, looking at the first improviser they said, “Hurry Santa! It’s almost Christmas morning!”

The third improviser entered the scene on their knees, pretending to be a child. In a high-pitch voice they contextualized the scene further, giving all the characters in the scene a name and offering a location: “Santa! And an elf! What are you still doing in my house?” He gestured to the mimed object in Santa’s hands, “and what the heck is that!?”

The first improviser (playing Santa) offered a problem, “Oh Jesus Christmas! Elfy! These dildos were meant for the sex cult next door! We’re in Timmy’s house!”

And just like that, the scene was set, the three improvisers discovered the gifts meant for a sex cult were now going under an innocent family’s tree. There was a lot to move forward with. It was technically very good improv. However, the improvisers were too caught up in the moment to remember who their audience was.

“Stop right there.” said St. Peter. 

Defeated but smiling, the members of Smell Yah Later shared a glance.

“We understand,” said the improvisers in unison.

And they were sent to Hell. 

In Hell, Satan and his legion of demons met them, and asked them to “do one of their skits.” Adding “If it’s good, we’ll take it easy on you.”

So the improvisers asked for a suggestion. “Can we please get a non-geographic location? Like a grocery store or a warehouse?”

The room was hot, and the demons were drunk and rowdy. They yelled their suggestions, “Dicks! Dildos! Your dad is gay!”

This time, even more uproarious laughter at the suggestions. The improvisers asked for more suggestions, but only dicks, dildos and gay dads came back. Yes of course it’s always easy and funny to use these suggestions. And only in heaven, hell, and the occasional bar gig, would improvisers be forced to take them.

The improvisers thanked the demons for the suggestion and started a scene. In an effort to appeal to the room, one improviser played a demon named Dick, one improviser played a demon named Dildo, and the other played their dad Dick Sr - they started the scene by saying in unison, “Welcome to the land of Gay.”

Surprisingly, the scene unfolded into a heartfelt and hilarious montage about father-son relationships and LGBTQ+ activism. The improvisers really made the most of their terrible suggestions and did the best set they’ve ever done. The improv, was again, technically very good. The storytelling captivating. The improvisers incorporated suggestions in novel ways. There were many call backs and well-crafted references to the Bible and Die Hard. And it was filled with quick-witted jokes and hilarious physical characters. The improvisers were having fun and it showed.

But it wasn’t what the demons were asking for. Although they sat through the whole set. The audience mostly just wanted to yell funny words and wanted the improvisers to do the same. So the demons didn’t like it. 

At the end of the 20-minute set, they started to boo and hiss. “This sucks!” 

Satan said, “We don’t even want you in Hell! This trite attempt at creativity to appease us comes off as cringey and awkward. I can’t believe how mad I am. Here’s a suggestion for you… fuck off!”

And in a burst of flames and judgmental laughter, the improvisers were there.

Purgatory. 

This time it was just the three of them. In a void of white and silence. No audience to give them suggestions or perform for. They could just entertain each other with their own ideas and creative impulses.

For the improvisers, it was Heaven. And it was Hell too.